I know this is a long post but take my word for it, if you not read it before it's worth few minutes of your time. PocketTazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased hislovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop thatsparked my interest The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I waslooking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I cameacross was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sizedtazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, withno long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequatetime to retreat to safety——-WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, Ibought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries inthe darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. Ilearned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against ametal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricitydarting back and forth between the prongs.AWESOME!!!Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy thinking to myself that itcouldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I satin my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting littlesoul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I reallyneeded to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. Imust admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But if I wasgoing to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger Idid want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my readingglasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in onehand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burstwould shock and disorient your assailant.. A two-second burst wassupposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control and athree-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on theground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three secondswould be wasting the batteries.All the while I’m looking atthis little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch incircumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries), pretty cutereally, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’ What happened next isalmost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.I’m sittingthere alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as tosay, Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such atiny little thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself aone second burst just for heck of it I touched the prongs to my nakedthigh, pushed the button, and …….HOLY MOTHER OF GOD… WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRCCfION. .. WHAT THE …. !!!I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me upin the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and overand over again. I vaguely recall waking upon my side in the fetalposition, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body inthe oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was makingmeowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture framehanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid gettingslammed by my body flopping all over the living room.Note: Ifyou ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one note ofcaution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zapyourself you will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged fromyour hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three secondburst would be considered conservative!A minute or so later (Ican’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collectedmy wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. Mybent reading glasses were on the mantel above the fireplace. Therecliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originallywas. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. Myface felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lipweighed 88 lbs. and had no control over the drooling.Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know forsure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above myhead, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for mytesticles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!P.S … My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!If you think education is difficult, try being stupid I!
